Always
by WinifredBrennan
Summary: "I get you up to my bedroom and all you wanna do is read..." Fresley goodness. Fic set during A Whole in The World.


**Title: Always**

**Universe: Cannon. Angel Season 5.**

**Pairing: Fred/Wes **

**Rating: M**

**Location: Fred's apartment?(never does mention where exactly she lives. i can site the street and address, but house? or apartment? i'm obviously choosing the latter) Bedroom. **

**Episodic Timeline: A Hole in The World **

**A/N: Mmm. Hope I do Fresley justice. Also, I don't usually do 1st Person narrative. Hope I capture it well enough...**

It's warm, I can feel the fever raging inside me, my head is pounding, faintly I hear pages turning, light breathing. I turn to see Wesley reading.

"I finally get you up to my bedroom and all you want to do is read." My voice is too weak, it sounds strange.

Wesley comes over to me instantly. "You dozed off. Was I making too much noise?"

Always the gentleman. I shook my head. "Not enough. I need noise to keep me here." I panic suddenly, wondering how long I've been asleep, the orange glow of sunset peeks through the curtains. "Is it today? I mean..."

"You only slept for an hour." Wesley's blue eyes are reassuring.

"That's an hour I don't got now..." I regret saying it the instant it comes from my mouth, because Wesley's eyes fill with worry and pain.

"And book man?"

"Book man came through. Angel and Spike are on their way to finding your cure, and I shouldn't like to be the thing standing in their way." He assures me, my book man. I smile as best I can. But I guess I knew since it all started that I wouldn't make it out of this alive. Not me. I'm not a hero, a fighter sure, but ya can only fight for so long before something just...

"Feigenbaum." It hurts to sit up so quickly.

"What?"

Panic rises in me at the inevitability of it all, a-and I thought that it would help... "I-I have to find him. He's the master of- I have to have Feigenbaum here!"

"Who is Feigenbaum?"

My mind goes blank. I try to grasp at the fuzzy memory, Feigenbaum... it was something I needed- to go back- to make it all stop... The memory fizzles and fades completely. An effect of this infection, killing me from the inside out. It all builds up and spills over in a mess. "I don't remember." I choke back a sob. Warm hands wrap around me, I cry into his shirt until there are no tears left in me.

"Shh, Shh." Wesley, my white knight, holding me together.

A wry laugh bubbles out of me. "Is it terrible? That at a time like this I'm worried about how crappy I look." I wipe at my eyes.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Wesley's eyes fill with complete adoration and love, and I'm about ready to burst all over again.

I wonder suddenly if I look as bad as I feel. "Do you always like splotchy girls?"

"It's my curse." I can see the sadness in his eyes, the forced smile. I lean into him and steal his body heat, shivering from the chills that come with a high fever. This can't be it. There's gotta be more. I can't leave like this, what was it I once said? A faded memory- claiming nothing was inevitable, as long as you stand up and say, you're evitable!... My cracked lips hurt as I smile from the memory. I lean into Wesley's touch, _finally get you up to my bedroom and all you wanna do is, _

"Wes?" My voice is stronger, despite the memory lapse, maybe for a time it will be better...

His quizzical sky-blue eyes meet mine.

"Make love to me." I watch his face switch from curious to horrified, his mouth agape. Am I really that awful to look at?

"I- not like this." Wesley rubs my arm gently as if I'm so fragile, like I might break, but I survived in a hell dimension for five years, sure I got a little crazy, but I wasn't fragile. Not weak. His fingers stroke my hair. "When you get better, we'll go on a proper date. And then, when the mood and time are right we'll-"

I sit back suddenly. "I ain't gonna get better!" I shout.

Wesley's face twists in agony. "Don't say that, of course you will. Spike and Angel-"

"Aren't gonna make it in time. I'm dyin' and I'm not getting any better." My voice grows quieter with each word.

A rough hand caresses my cheek. "You mustn't talk like that." He seems so scared, so... fragile.

I catch and hold his gaze. "Why?" And his gaze flickers knowingly. We both know the conversation has turned.

"I don't want to hurt you." His voice is so small. Brave protector, scared for me, scared for us.

I bring a finger up to trace his furrowed brow. "I'm already hurtin' and I wanna feel alive one last time before I..." I shut my eyes and press back the tears. "...Wes... please..." A few tears escape anyway, warm drops trickling down my cheeks.

He's conflicted; I see it in him clear as day. "Fred..."

I sit forward and press my lips to his, at first he doesn't move; I kiss him again, forcefully. Teeth grazing his lower lip ever so lightly. He groans in defeat and kisses back. I close my eyes and feel his warm lips cover mine; consume mine with every lip lock. My tongue slowly explores his mouth, his tangling with mine, and it tastes like Wesley. Slowly, we lay back on the bed; he's lying next to me, as close as possible. I feel his pants brushing against my bare legs; he slides one leg up slowly between my thighs. I suck in a breath.

"Alright?" He asks, so full of worry.

I nod. "You won't hurt me."

His smile is weak, uncertain. I take his rough hand in mine and place it on my hip, just under my shirt. He takes the hint and slides his hand upward, palming my breast and pinching the nipple. The sensation tingles all the way down to my toes. "Mmm." I tug at his shirt, and he helps, lifting it over his head. I run my fingers over the planes of his finely toned chest. His lips find mine and I kiss him hungrily. Wanting nothing but Wesley. His hand grazes down the side of my body, pausing at my hip; he squeezes and then continues downward, sliding his hand over my bare leg.

"You're feverish." His says, breaking our kiss.

"I'm fine." I assure him, and tentatively his hand slides up under my skirt, and rests at my core. My hips twitch involuntarily.

I slide my hands down to unbuckle his belt, but my fingers lack the motor control...can't think about that now, I reach my hands around his neck and pull him into a deep kiss just as his hands tug my panties down. His fingers slide up and tease the entrance.

My hips jerk in impatience, and he lays sweet kisses along my jaw line before slipping his fingers inside me and creating a rhythm.

"Oh.." I gasp, breathy, light, and then I moan as he hits a sweet spot. Pleasure is all I feel, until he retracts his fingers, his gaze meeting mine. It is a look of pure love and I know my own face reflects the same.

"More." It's all I can say.

He nods, and undoes his belt...

**After,** I lay in his arms, shivering. "It's getting worse. We shouldn'tve- "

"Hush." I cling to him. "It was perfect. Just what the doctor ordered."

He returns my smile, kissing my forehead gently. Suddenly, sharp and stabbing pain rushes through me. I feel myself go rigid, but he already knows, holding me tighter, kissing me again and again to take my mind off the pain. It ebbs and I take a deep breath, filling my lungs while they're still functional.

He won't be able to stop it. I know it will engulf me eventually. But I am not the damsel; I won't go without a fight. I'm not scared.

I snuggle into the wonderful man beside me. "My hero, My Wesley... My love." I hold onto him with all the strength I have.

His eyes fill with happiness; a genuine smile spreads across his lips. "I love you."

"I love you."_Of course I do. There's no one else. It just took me too long to see. Took too long for the click. Oh Wesley, I'm so sorry. You won't leave me now... but I will. Guess there is inevitability. But at least there was this, one perfect moment of bliss for us. Always we'll have this. _

**Fin**

**A/N: Comments welcomed and appreciated.**


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